Fat Outta Friend Zone

I'm bigger than I've ever been before.



It doesn't take a genius to see that I'm overweight. I guess that's what happens when you eat whatever you want to, when you want to and do little or no exercise, over a long period of time. Yeah, well...it's caught up with me and it's just not a good look.

So what does this have to do with dating? Everything. The people I want to date, don't want to date me. The people that want to date me, I don't want to date. Bigger guys want to date me...but I'm just not interested. But more fit guys don't want to date me. I'm either "awesome" or "a great friend". Yeah, I've been friend zoned more than once. Obviously, I keep getting into the friend zone because there's no connection or attraction.

And from some of them...I can only think that it's because of my weight. If I was smaller, would they be attracted to me? I'm pretty sure that if I was a cheerleader for an NFL team, I'd have no problem getting out of the friend zone with some of these guys.

So now, I'm challenging myself. I'm going to hold myself accountable to losing this weight. And then I'm going to see. I'm going to see how many of these guys take me out of the friend zone and into the dating zone. How important is appearance? I'm going to find out...I want to know the TRUTH about physical appearance and how much of an impact it has on one's decisions. 

Pathological Liar

I'll admit, I am on a dating website.

But I'm not sure how else I'm supposed to meet straight men. I mean, going to the bar or club isn't any good. They're usually drunk and won't remember your name or your face the next day. Finding someone at the grocery store, Starbucks or the library...most likely not going to happen. That shit only happens in the movies anyways. 

I'll admit, it's hard being on a dating website. You're trying to see if you potentially like someone out of a 500 character About Me section and lame iPhone pictures taken in the bathroom mirror. It's not an ideal way to meet someone, but it gets you looking.

On most of these websites, you can see who viewed your profile. There was this GORGEOUS looking guy. Like not good looking, handsome or hot...he was GORGEOUS. I checked out his profile, he lives in the next state over. Okay, not going to go anywhere...but after reading his profile, he said that the mother of his son had passed away. I sent a short message, something along the lines of "I'm sorry for yours and your son's loss. I'm sure you'll have no problem on this website, you're really good looking". The end, I was expecting maybe a "Thank you" and that be it. He sent back a message and we started talking over the next few days.

For some reason, I kept thinking "Why is this guy on a dating website? He's so good looking, he wouldn't have any problem picking up bitches". We all know the age of the Internet...anyone can get information if you go searching. It doesn't take hacking or a rocket scientist to find out information on people. I was honestly thinking that it was just a fake person posting on the dating website. 

Anyways, he told me his first name, his username was his Mr. and then his last name (seriously, he's an idiot). I logged onto, what else, Facebook. Typed in his name and there he pops up. Okay, so he is real...he actually has a lot of pictures that aren't on private. I don't mind if I do look around the open albums. 

I get to the album when his son was born and there were pictures with him and the mom. Cute. She commented in one of the pictures about how ugly she looked and couldn't believe he posted that picture. The curiosity got to the best of me, so I clicked on her name. Guess what, her profile wasn't blocked either. And what was even more weird...she had posted on Facebook about a week earlier. 

At this point, I was thinking...well, maybe it's like her mom or sister posting. Or maybe it was old. But there on the screen it said something along the lines of "I can't believe I was in labor with you two years ago. Happy Birthday, you're growing so quickly". Okay, yeah...she's definitely not dead. 

I confronted him about it. His comeback was "I think it's mildly creepy that you're stalking me on FB". My response was "I think it's really creepy that you're telling people that the mother of your child is dead. I'm sure you'll find some dumb broad to fall for your stories of deceased mothers. Seriously, pathetic. Deuces". 

I guess it is true sometimes, good looking...hella dumb. In his case, if he was going to tell such a huge lie, at least cover your tracks. He failed on about 30 different levels. The first, straight out lying about the mother of his child dying...that is just crazy. Second, not putting his FB profile on block. Like I said earlier, I didn't hack into his account. He was just too dumb to cover it up. I'm not sure what he's going to do when he starts dating someone and they find out the lady really isn't dead. But that isn't my problem. Just goes to show you that you can say ANYTHING you want to on the Internet. 

Another epic fail in the online dating world.

One Tan Girl

I've been single for awhile now.

My last long relationship was with the father of my children. It was like a roller coaster ride, one that I kept jumping off and then jumping back on. I finally jumped off that crazy train, in my brain the relationship was done probably six months earlier than when we "officially" ended it. And when I say we, I mean me. In total, we were together for 10 years. I'll say that if you put all of our good times together in a time period, I was in the relationship for about 7.5 years too long. But you live and learn, right? 

Now I'm on the dating battlefield. Yes, I call it a battlefield because that's exactly what it is. It's annoying, you have to act happy and positive all the time so you don't come across as a jaded bitch. No, you don't want to get to that point until about the fifth date. But lets be honest, I haven't been on a fifth date...let alone a second or a third. Some will say that I'm being too picky or too selective. I think that I'm just waiting to be with someone that I truly want to be with. I mean, come on...if I wanted to settle and be miserable for the rest of my life, I would have married my ex.

So why this blog? Who wants to read my posts about being bummed that I don't have a member of the opposite sex to drag to the Twilight premiere? Or about how my best friend and I look like a modern lesbian couple when we go to dinner with my children? Or that I need to lose about 2,000 pounds to become a trophy wife? 

Because dating can be hilarious.

You're not the one that will be putting on a pair of Spankx, getting your hair and nails done all to maybe impress a "normal" guy just looking for a good girl. So at my expense, I'll document all of this to entertain some at the end of the day. And maybe along the way I'll find Prince Charming...or a Channing Tatum look-alike. Hey, we can all dream, right?